OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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