He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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