Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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