There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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