Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
