Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
