Your dad touched me again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
