guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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