I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
