I didn't shave. On purpose
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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