Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
