I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
