dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
