Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
