I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can I color on your dick again?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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