I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
