More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
