i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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