She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He better not be in your backpack
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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