is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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