weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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