She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
