Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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