I can tuck mytits in my pants
we made out on top of his cat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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