Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
