I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
