so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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