my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
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I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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