I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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