I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
