I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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