sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
