david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
