I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
