Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
