Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
