i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
