I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
