No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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