You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
