My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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