he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
