He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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