I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have fence marks all over my body
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
