so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
