I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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