My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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