i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
