I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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