Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
