some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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