Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
