Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
