Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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