I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
