what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i now understand why vodka
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
