my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
