like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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