Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Everclear isn't food dammit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
