help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
