My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
