what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
