rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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