you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In other news, I just burned my penis
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
