Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
